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More Things I Wonder

Yes, this is me, STILL ranting about romantic situations. I wish I was not this person but I am right now. This is a continuation from my last post, typed from my long journaling session. And there are about 3 more entries to come. As with the last post, it`s a very raw articulation of what I have been feeling so it may not be easy to understand at some points. But I just needed to get it out.

So the continuation, here goes, I wonder if after expressing your troubles and irritation, you have ever heard this:

  • “It will happen when the time is right”
  • “It will happen when you least expect it”
  • “You have to be patient”
  • “Love is patient”
  • “What do you think you could be doing that is the reason that this hasn`t happened for you as yet?”
  • “Divine timing”

All people espousing you to have patience. And at the same time, other people telling you about

  • “There are more women than men you have to settle for certain things”
  • “Don`t wait too long”

Maybe you have heard these phrases and they did not trigger you…..they trigger me. 😐

I wonder if you can feel the latent seething rage that I was feeling as I wrote those phrases above. I wonder if you have ever been in the grips of rage such that you could not see the world clearly. If you have every been so angry, that well meaning people, trying to offer you words of encouragement, only made you MORE ANGRY. And you had to use every iota of your strength to remain calm.

I wonder if you have ever done STUPID things like have sex with a married man and hope he would love you properly, even though by this very act he is clearly showing you that he cannot.

I wonder if you ever got so angry, that there was NOTHING you would not sacrifice to get yourself back.

I wonder if the darkness ever consumed you, if the devil ever took over your eyes, if the people you loved the most could not even connect to your heart and pull you back because you had crossed over to the dark side. If you ever felt like burning this country to the ground was a great idea.

I wonder if you ever told your friends and family to install monitoring programs on your phone and email because you did not trust your own self-control not to do something catastrophic.

I wonder if a man ever called you a Goddess, said no gift could compare to you, and then turned around and told you that “Love is patient”. Translation: He should be married with children, and also have the benefits of being involved with you, and you should not be upset about that, but instead “wait until he gets divorced” whenever that would be, because “love is patient”. In this situation, I would counter that “stupidity is patient”. To even get into that situation is stupid.

And I my friend, am done being stupid.

At a certain point, and in certain situations, “patience” becomes pointless.

Disclaimer:

If you comment and I don`t reply, please don`t take it personally. I am very randomly triggered right now and these are sensitive topics. I will only reply if I can do so from a loving place.


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